I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
