you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
