and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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