i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
