Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
