ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
