Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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