He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize