I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
