I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
