My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
