I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
