Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
