You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
