I seem to have left my pride at pride
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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