In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
