why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize