I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
