So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
