i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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