your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
