i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
