if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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