That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You can't motorboat a personality
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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