Please, let me fuck your mom
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
