Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
