you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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