Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
