my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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