Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
