oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
