even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
