i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
