We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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