he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
