i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
