You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
