oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
