Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
