eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
