i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
