dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
