Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
