A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
