it wasn't lemon gatorade
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got inside last night via doggy door
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
