my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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