i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
