What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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