My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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