just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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