I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize