he shaved USA in his pubs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
