Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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