Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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