Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
