to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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