my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
