I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize