Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
