I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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