i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
