She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
