I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
