i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
