don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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