do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
