I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
