Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
