I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
