I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
