Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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