I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pappa wants mamma naked
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
