I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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