You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
