Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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