Where are you?
In a non slutty way
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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