SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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