$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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