let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
