I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
