U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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