is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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