Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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