Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Me too!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
