that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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