This girl is more easily done than said...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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