So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
