that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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