It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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