Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
