4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
