hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
