Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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