Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
