Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
