In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
