Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
