dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
