Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
