i just had sex bonerless
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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