We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
