I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
