she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
