In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
where are my eyebrows?
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