Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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