i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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