It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
