3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
