I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
