If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
