so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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