you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
