Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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