I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
