last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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